La Cucaracha

Recently someone asked me what I am most looking forward to about going home in May (little over a month away, what? where did the time go??). Without even thinking about i blurted out, "Going 24 hours without seeing a cockroach". I stopped to think about it, and really? What about ice cream? Or hot showers? Or my family? But let me try to explain.

I think it's fair to say that I am less phobic than the average person when it comes to dealing with cockroaches. My first experience with them came freshman year of college when I ran across the hall to figure out why my hallmates were screaming and standing on their desks...and then patiently chased the cockroach out from under the bed, caught it in a plastic cup, and let it go outside. Yes, really.

Then there was the movie Wall.E, with the cute cockroach sidekick. How could you not love that faithful, indestructible little guy who closely resembles a cricket?

As an RA senior year my attitude towards the little buggers hardened, as I was responsible for making sure that people didn't transport them or their eggs upstairs or into other dorms from storage boxes in the basement of my building.

I was expecting to deal with lots of strange insects in Haiti, and I have seen some beautiful spiders, waged war on tiny but vicious mosquitos, been perplexed by the steady nowhere to nowhere trek of miniscule ants trooping across my walls, and been bitten by a horde of angry red ants I mistakenly invited onto me when leaning against our little roof garden. That one actually ended with me whipping my shirt off and madly slapping myself trying to get rid of them all. I'm sure a bunch of neighbors saw me and were permanently convinced that I am insane, but there was nothing else to be done. I must say though, that the cockroaches here really go above and beyond the call of duty. First off, there are apparently several different types. I didn't know this. There are the tiny roaches which can be found in every crevice of the kitchen and dining room, no matter how often we scrub it or chase them out with boiling water. There are the medium size ones that at least have the decency to scuttle out of sight when you turn the light on. We mutually scare the hell out of each other in the bathroom at night, when they panic not knowing where to hide from the sudden intruder, and I flip out because in their panic they ran across my foot.  And then there are the giant ones, and they fly. Cockroaches are not supposed to fly. They scuttle, they are stealthy and sneaky, that's why we don't trust them. But flying puts them almost into the 'bat' category, and that I simply cannot handle. After the appearance of one of these sends me (and all the other girls) screeching from the room, we regroup, remind ourselves that we are at least a thousand times their size, arm ourselves with flip-flops, and attack without mercy. We maintain an uneasy equilibrium.

Recently the situation has gotten out of hand. I think that the sudden spurt of activity from our resident plumber/handyman has forced several communities of cockroaches out into the open. A few days ago I was attacked by a particularly frenetic one while in the shower. Later a medium-sized one appeared on my bed, sitting innocently next to my pillow. In broad daylight!! That combined with picking a few small crawly ones off my pant legs prompted me to take apart my entire room searching for the source. I found nothing, no purse-like garnet egg capsules, no hidden homes underneath the mattress, not even a few loners hiding underneath my dresser. I was at least comforted by knowing they're not living in my room, they just find it a desirable vacation destination. I still slept that night with my bed pulled out away from the walls into the middle of the room (not sure how this was supposed to help, but it made me feel better) and had dreams that the pantry downstairs had been invaded by a horde of cockroaches 6 inches long and for some reason I was expected to sleep down there.

So, ice cream? hot showers? family and friends? All wonderful, and I'm very excited for them, but now that my creepy crawly buddies have invaded even my dreams, they are officially the number one thing I am excited about leaving behind.